The Tyranny of Low Self-Esteem

Do you have an inner voice that tells you “you’re no good”? Or berates you for every little mistake? Are you there more for others than for yourself? If you are like many of our clients, low self esteem feels natural – like a core part of you. You want to like yourself, but you don’t know how.

Hi, I’m Dr. Termary Hernandez, a therapist at Syrona Counseling Retreats, and in this article, I am going to talk about low self-esteem, why it exists and how to change it.


Low Self-Esteem is Learned


You are not born with low self-esteem. Not liking yourself is learned. And, it impacts all aspects of your life. It affects your self-confidence, the type and quality of the relationships you have, and even what kind of opportunities you take or pass up.

Even when good things happen, your negative default mode can kick in and find a way to minimize it or create self-doubt.

What you might not realize is that your negative self-talk has a purpose. And, this purpose might surprise you. Negative self-talk is actually a form of self-protection. It’s an attempt to keep you from doing whatever it is you’re doing that seems not to have worked.

Did you try and fail? Then don’t try again because you’re a loser. Did you speak up and now fear you said the wrong thing? Don’t speak up again because you’ll embarrass yourself. In its own way, these painful self-attacks are trying to help.

Here at Syrona, we start your intensive retreat with a life review, with a focus on your childhood and teenage years. We do a deep exploration of these years to find the origin – the source – of your low self-value. We take the time to guide you step-by-step through this highly personal and valuable process.


Self-Compassion is the Key to Change


Self-compassion is like the “holy grail” of psychotherapy. As therapists, we know the power and importance of self-compassion for achieving true mental health. However, it is also one of the most elusive and challenging results to achieve. You can’t really talk yourself into self-compassion.

You might get temporary results from self affirmations, but they don’t stick. That’s because negative self-talk – not liking yourself – is part of your natural defense system.

It is, in actuality, an unconscious process, which makes it feel like it is natural to you. It might even feel like a part of you that can’t be changed. In our intensives, we use state-of the-art, science-based interventions that are designed to connect you to your self-compassion.

These interventions are powerful, moving, and highly effective.

Having self-compassion means more than just having self-acceptance. It is the unconscious and emotional foundation of your sense of self.

It determines who you are, what you do- and it dictates what you will stand for – in terms of what kind of behavior you accept from others. And it absolutely shifts the way you talk to yourself. In other words, It is the key to your emotional well-being.


So if you are struggling with low self-esteem, contact us and let’s explore if an intensive retreat is a good fit for you. With the right help, you can build a strong foundation of self-confidence and navigate life’s challenges with greater resilience and a strong sense of self worth. We look forward to working with you.



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